There is Peace and Freedom in being vulnerable

We are taught from early on in childhood (especially males) to keep our thoughts and emotions contained in order to be accepted and in some cases admired for being a strong person. You might have heard this many times in the past few years as information on mental health and the toxic male ego are presented to us in several ways through social and mainstream media.

In all honesty, from as far as I can remember, I was a really sensitive kid. Even though some people who knew me from a young age may have experienced another side of me that was aggressive, maybe even a bully, there was in fact, this sensitive side too.

Like most of us, I unfortunately and fortunately was bullied, even abused to some extent.

Then I would feel guilty anytime I would cry or feel sad because someone put me down with harsh insults or physically dominated me in some way.

Even though my parents were not the type to force me to be this rough and tough kid, the culture I grew up in certainly did - boys had to be strong, crying and being sensitive was considered weak and was ridiculed. I hated this and always believed that this was a Trinidadian thing and that I belonged in a country where people were kinder to each other.

So the reason I said unfortunately and fortunately I was bullied is because I got to learn valuable life lessons.

Being bullied showed me the pain I was inflicting on the people I was mistreating. It took me a while and I made many mistakes and regrettably hurt some along the way, but I am grateful that I learnt before affecting others.

I touch on this because I have noticed parallels between my experience and the majority of other males I grew up with. It started off on the playground but also manifested in new ways as time went on to suit the age and setting. You can still see these toxic male traits of men trying to show dominance. May not be them pushing someone's face down in a sand box but instead maybe pushing their status and wealth in the face of whom they feel superior towards for example. Browse social media and you will see the hounds blasting who they perceive to be weak or less than. I see posts all the time about how soft people have become while the authors gloat about their own masculinity.

I work in a gym environment where it is more apparent on a physical stage. Men can puff out their chest and hit some ego lifts, begging for some acknowledgement of how big and strong they are. Now, I am not ripping too much on these actions, nor am I defending the new and soft politically correct (PC) cultural mentality of what a man or person should be.

Somewhere between toxic male ego and PC culture is a sweet balanced middle.

I think it is great to embrace and celebrate ones masculinity. I also think PC culture is way in the extreme of trying to extinguish some great and useful areas of what being a man brings.

Why can't a man be masculine, tough, badass, a rudeboy and at the same time show emotion, cry, dance or explore life outside of all the set guidelines of what it takes to be a man.

I used to get shit all the time, anytime I posted something honest on social media that was personal that showed any emotion. My friends would say that people would use it against me and it comes off as weakness. The truth is I never felt threatened, I understood from early on through life experience that what I express is nothing alien to what we all experience.

If I show an insecurity or write about my personal struggles I know, that every man reading it has experienced the same! Unless they are a complete psychopath of course. So what can they use against me? I have already been bullied, abused, suffered from anxiety, depression, lost loved ones, had near fatal experiences, been mocked, ridiculed and I am still fucking here!

My peace and freedom came in being vulnerable. Being open and honest let's me walk freely without fear of people finding out my weaknesses.

It's all out in the open for anyone to see and that's cool, because, I know you have experienced similar challenges.

So to the tough guy reading thinking delusionally that none of this falls in his yard? I am sorry to tell yuh buddy, but you're not that tough. I haven't met a man alive who has not experienced fear, sadness or any weakness, so relax and let it be.

Here is to the attainable middle ground! Cheers!